This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
