I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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