Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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