I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
