I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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