She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
