Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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