Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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