just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
