The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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