So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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