Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
