you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
