$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
