how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
