we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
did i walk over a car last night?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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