Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
