remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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