Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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