i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
