I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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