i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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