She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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