walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
