On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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