i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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