Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
