Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
