Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
