I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
