walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
