Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Pants are for mortals
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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