if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
