Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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