Sry I called you an 8
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
