Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
