I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
