out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
