I heard we made out
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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