O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
