How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
