And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
that is very illegal...i love you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
