3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
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