plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I have aggressive nipples.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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