not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Are my feet made of real feet?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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