i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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