There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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