is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
