obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
