mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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