I look better un-naked...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
