whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
