Where is the hickey?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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