fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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