I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
