By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
