We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
