i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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