i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
