Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
