She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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