Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
