Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
