used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
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She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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