Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
