So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
