P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
