I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
