I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
