i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
