I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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