whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
