they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
