I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize