The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
