she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
even my farts smell like vagina
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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