Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
