He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
