he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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